Musings, reflections, wisecracks from a somewhat creative mind

Archive for July, 2011

My Aim is True

Me Mither (my Mother) told me a story tonight about her cat that had me roaring with laughter.

First – Me Mither. She is my dear Mother. She is 84 and has a terrific sense of humor. (Go figure.)

Second – Her cat. His name is BRANDON, of all things. (Brandon? Really?) She adopted him from the SPCA with the name and couldn’t bear to change it. At one time she considered the name “Dude”. (Laugh, giggle, snort. Dude? Ha ha ha ha!!!) I call him “Bran Muffin” or “Chicken Sh**”, because he hides when PEOPLE come over. He’s dark grey/black all over with round yellow eyes. And me Mither is in L.O.V.E. with this gem of a cat. He is very affectionate and entertaining … as long as “other people” aren’t there. (Chicken sh** a.k.a. CS. Yeah.)

SO! Mither is Cleaning the litter box. Cleaning with a capital C. Dump all the litter, wash with soap and water, leave it to dry in the sun.

Chicken Sh**’s body processes proceed as expected … it is nature’s way.

Mither is sitting in her recliner and, after an indeterminate length of time (she doesn’t say how long) CS is meowing at her in a very inSIStent way. “I WAAAANNNNTTT!!”

Me Mither thinks “Ah. He wants the litter box. I’ll put some newspaper and a sprinkle of litter in ‘the place’ where he usually places his leavings and he’ll get the hint.” So she does.

She also leaves the litter container – the box she bought it in – in the general vicinity, all innocence.An indeterminate length of time later, she goes to the “area”, expecting to find her good little kitty (CS) has used the newspaper, et cetera, for his toilet.

Not so! Hmmmm.

She proceeds to refill the incredibly clean litter box and finds “moisture” around the rim of the opening of the cat litter container.

This CS … this little pischer, this furry cat-person … this apparently very neat and CLEAN and FUNNY furry cat person … has mounted the container and PEED INTO THE LITTER IN THE CONTAINER!!!

I can’t beat that! What’s funnier?? Who is this little neatnik pischer? Such a comedian!

Pets are great. Cats. Dogs. Their psyche’s are utterly different than ours. We’ll never know how different. I think they have a sense of humor.

And THAT. WAS. FUNNY. (Did he mean it to be?)

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The Slower Side of Life

Have I mentioned that Amber (the mini-poodle) is 17 years old? That’s 119 in People years. (Actually, I think the formula is different for smaller dogs ….) But she is O.L.D.

It takes Amber a LOT longer to do things than it takes a younger dog. It is something like the movement of a tectonic plate.

Waiting for Amber to walk through the door to or from the outside is one example. She ambles.

Here are some things a person could do while waiting for Amber to move:

  • Have a full manicure including drying the top coat.
  • Read a novella.
  • Recite a Psalm from the Bible, including finding said Psalm.
  • Prepare hard-boiled eggs.
  • Take a shower including shaving the legs.
  • Change the oil in your car.
  • Write a novella.
  • Watch paint dry.
  • Migrate north (if you are a bird).
  • Migrate south (same same).

I love my old lady-dog. She is genuine. Her behavior is trying (on the patience).

Tonight she stood and made barely audible whining sounds because she couldn’t reach Chloe’s dish of food, which she knows I don’t want her to have. I caved. I gave it to her. She’s a bitch but she’s my bitch. *sigh*

What’s that expression? “Older than God”? Here’s to being old. May you have a loving, caving person to care for you. Cheers!

An Angel Came to My Door Today

His is name is Andy. He’s a working man – a cable technician.

The back story is this: I had cancelled one cable/phone/internet company and hired another. I had to return the equipment to the first company in order for them to stop billing me. I haven’t found the time.

Andy works for the first company and came to my house today while I wasn’t home. He left a note saying he’d be back to pick up the equipment, no charge. He called my home phone and left a message saying the same.

And then he came back. I was home this time. I opened the door and here was this man with a sunny smile and dirty hands, working overtime no doubt.

I thanked him several times and told him he had made my life easier and that he was an angel. He just smiled and shook his head and laughed.

I think this is what he does. Nice things – good things – extra things. And these things make people feel better, feel part of the human family.

I was blessed today many times. I was blessed by my association with another “Andy”, and by Mary, by Maria, by Jim, by John, by Chris, by Bill, by Laura. There are many more.

I am blessed.

Since when is ZZ Top EASY LISTENING??

I don’t usually listen to the radio in my car. It can be so noisy and frantic with the fast talking DJs and the hyperbolic ads and news. I have a CD player and happily listen to my own mix of tunes. Riding in my car is like “Sing Along with Mary”, harmonizing and imitating instrument sounds badly … and then laughing at self.

Lately, the CD player has become unreliable. Let’s just say it takes unscheduled work breaks. Without sufficient funds or time to have it fixed or replaced, I find myself driving in silence. Silence is good. Silence means I’m thinking, planning, analyzing, and so forth. Silence can also be not-so-good when I find myself obsessively OVER-thinking something.

It was during one of these moments that I found myself turning on the radio, pressing and pressing the “seek” button to find agreeable music to distract me. Ahhhh. Easy listening sounds of The Eagles, Elton John, The Police, Foreigner, ZZ Top … BRAKE! BRAKE!

EASY LISTENING? What the … That’s “parental music”, not mine! Who authorized calling my music “easy listening”? ZZ Top = easy listening? Seriously? Nobody asked me for my opinion on this.

Waaa waaa waaa. Pity party in my car. Someone thinks I’m old. Really? I can’t believe it. I won’t. I am youthful.

OK dear reader. You are thinking:

  • I’ve been in denial. (True.)
  • You weren’t as shocked as I was when this first happened to you. (Uh huh.)
  • You don’t feel sorry for me. (Admit it, you brute.)
  • Perhaps I missed a major life stage, like parenting. (Wish I hadn’t.)
  • You’re thinking perhaps I should quit whining and grow up. (I don’t want to hear it.)

What’s that thing we’ve all heard recently? We have to grow older but we don’t have to grow up. I agree. I’m going to write a letter to someone and complain.

As long as I behave responsibly where it counts, don’t expect me to act “grown up”. Being childlike, playful, imaginative, positive, loving – these are all healthy things and we are meant to actualize them. I have that on good Authority.

Sorry! I got “all serious” on you. I’m not going to write that letter. It’s Saturday. I’m going to go play, maybe listen to some Pink Floyd or Steely Dan. TTFN!

Humming Plumbing

My toilet in my master bath (and I use the “master” term loosely) hums. It sounds a bit like what I think the air raid sirens sounded like in Britain during the Blitz. Just not as loud.

I’m curious about it. I’m fearful, too.

Does it mean my sewer line is going to back up into my house? If so, it would not be covered by insurance and, well, I would have to move. The stench would be awful.

It sounds eerie. Is someone trying to communicate with me from “beyond”? If so, hey you! Find another means!

There’s kind of a “foggy, marine-like” quality to it. Will there be a ship coming in? Is it prescient? Is my “ship coming in”? (As in great success. Helloooo.)

This is a fairly recent occurrence – meaning it started a few months ago. I’m SO good about home maintenance I’ve put off looking into it for this long. (Brilliant!)

So I Googled “humming plumbing” and, son-of-gun! I found something! It’s not uncommon, I think I have to replace some valve and, shucks, I don’t know how!

The joys of homeownership.

Still wouldn’t have it any other way.