Musings, reflections, wisecracks from a somewhat creative mind

Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Anyway

I came across this inspirational piece yesterday. Good stuff. Worth sharing.

Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments

Author: Kent M. Keith, Ed.D.

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only the top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

Since when is ZZ Top EASY LISTENING??

I don’t usually listen to the radio in my car. It can be so noisy and frantic with the fast talking DJs and the hyperbolic ads and news. I have a CD player and happily listen to my own mix of tunes. Riding in my car is like “Sing Along with Mary”, harmonizing and imitating instrument sounds badly … and then laughing at self.

Lately, the CD player has become unreliable. Let’s just say it takes unscheduled work breaks. Without sufficient funds or time to have it fixed or replaced, I find myself driving in silence. Silence is good. Silence means I’m thinking, planning, analyzing, and so forth. Silence can also be not-so-good when I find myself obsessively OVER-thinking something.

It was during one of these moments that I found myself turning on the radio, pressing and pressing the “seek” button to find agreeable music to distract me. Ahhhh. Easy listening sounds of The Eagles, Elton John, The Police, Foreigner, ZZ Top … BRAKE! BRAKE!

EASY LISTENING? What the … That’s “parental music”, not mine! Who authorized calling my music “easy listening”? ZZ Top = easy listening? Seriously? Nobody asked me for my opinion on this.

Waaa waaa waaa. Pity party in my car. Someone thinks I’m old. Really? I can’t believe it. I won’t. I am youthful.

OK dear reader. You are thinking:

  • I’ve been in denial. (True.)
  • You weren’t as shocked as I was when this first happened to you. (Uh huh.)
  • You don’t feel sorry for me. (Admit it, you brute.)
  • Perhaps I missed a major life stage, like parenting. (Wish I hadn’t.)
  • You’re thinking perhaps I should quit whining and grow up. (I don’t want to hear it.)

What’s that thing we’ve all heard recently? We have to grow older but we don’t have to grow up. I agree. I’m going to write a letter to someone and complain.

As long as I behave responsibly where it counts, don’t expect me to act “grown up”. Being childlike, playful, imaginative, positive, loving – these are all healthy things and we are meant to actualize them. I have that on good Authority.

Sorry! I got “all serious” on you. I’m not going to write that letter. It’s Saturday. I’m going to go play, maybe listen to some Pink Floyd or Steely Dan. TTFN!

Humming Plumbing

My toilet in my master bath (and I use the “master” term loosely) hums. It sounds a bit like what I think the air raid sirens sounded like in Britain during the Blitz. Just not as loud.

I’m curious about it. I’m fearful, too.

Does it mean my sewer line is going to back up into my house? If so, it would not be covered by insurance and, well, I would have to move. The stench would be awful.

It sounds eerie. Is someone trying to communicate with me from “beyond”? If so, hey you! Find another means!

There’s kind of a “foggy, marine-like” quality to it. Will there be a ship coming in? Is it prescient? Is my “ship coming in”? (As in great success. Helloooo.)

This is a fairly recent occurrence – meaning it started a few months ago. I’m SO good about home maintenance I’ve put off looking into it for this long. (Brilliant!)

So I Googled “humming plumbing” and, son-of-gun! I found something! It’s not uncommon, I think I have to replace some valve and, shucks, I don’t know how!

The joys of homeownership.

Still wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ask Amber, June 21, 2010

HRH Princess Amber

Welcome to another “Ask Amber” column where Her Most Royal Highness, Princess Amber, has deigned to answer questions and offer advice for humans, canines (including  poodles – yes you), felines, et cetera. Please include your name and species. Bow! Speak!

Your Highness – I am a sophisticated and revered female alpha poodle but find I keep wanting to eat poo. Is it an addiction? I’ve seen others do it but I think I shouldn’t. Please advise. (name withheld)

Look deep within yourself and seek the true woman-alpha-bitch. Ask her “Isn’t this food that’s been eaten before? Aren’t I better than that?” Use positive imagery and focus on domination and absolute power. That’s what you are good at! Anyone can eat poo … As for your slavish omega slip, we won’t tell anyone, dear. 😀

Ask Amber

Her Most Royal Highness, Princess Amber, has deigned to answer questions and offer advice for humans, canines (including  poodles – yes you), felines, et cetera. Please include your name and species. Bow! Speak!

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Your Highness – My name is Etta and I’m a Standard Poodle. I have really long legs and sometimes run into my smaller brothers and sisters. It bothers them. What should I do?

Get a horn and honk it.

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Your Eminence, Saint Amber – My name is Ralph and I’m a regular ole BBD (Basic Brown Dog). What makes you think you’re so great and royal? Hah hah hah hah hah.

Stop panting and get a grip, Ralphie. If you’d ever been in our presence you would realize how ridiculous you are.

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Hey Royal Bitch – I’m a cat and I’m bigger and more agile than you. What’re you gonna do about it?

Release intestinal gas in your general direction.

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Your Eminence – My name is Max and I’m your brother. Will you please stop being so bossy?

No, you toad. Now get away from our rrroyal rrrawhide chewy.

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Saint Amber (the unambivalent) – I’m a human and …

Stop right there! We don’t want to hear it! We are looking away …

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Send Her Highness, Princess Amber YOUR questions and   :-0

JOIN US NEXT TIME for Her Highness’ pearls of wisdom, coming soon!