Musings, reflections, wisecracks from a somewhat creative mind

Posts tagged ‘tuna’

You know you are a hopeless dog owner when:

  1. You never move your chair without first checking the floor around you for dogs. Same with recliners.
  2. You check the floor for poo/pee/vomit/toys before walking.
  3. You check the lawn for poo/pee/vomit/toys before walking.
  4. You hoard plastic grocery bags.
  5. You own stock in your favorite paper towel company.
  6. GetOutoftheWay is one word.
  7. You can’t remember the last time you slept through the night.
  8. You know your dogs keep you on a schedule, not the other way around.
  9. You know which of your friends play tennis because they give you their used tennis balls.
  10. You always know what the weather is in your neighborhood, especially rain and thunderstorms.
  11. Dogs smell great.
  12. Dogs smell great until they joyously roll in poo/dead animal/some-other-disgusting-smelly-thing.
  13. You’ve given a dog an emergency bath outside with a hose, using rubber gloves and an entire bottle of shampoo.
  14. Most nasty smells don’t bother you that much anymore.
  15. You know that your dog’s feet smell a little like Fritos.
  16. You know dogs seem disappointed after you’ve bathed. (Dogs think you stink best at your stinkiest.)
  17. You can tell the difference between a mosquito bite and a flea bite.
  18. You’ve tested the pavement with your bare foot to make sure it’s not too hot for paws.
  19. You’ve considered booties for your dog to keep their paws safe from heat/cold.
  20. You own at least one piece of doggy apparel.
  21. You have two collars for your dog – everyday and dress up.
  22. You’ve shoveled snow just so your dog would have an outdoor place to pee.
  23. You know a LOT of people because of your dog. It’s like a club.
  24. You identify neighbors by their dog’s name (Sophie’s dad/mom/house/yard).
  25. You’ve had entire conversations with strangers and/or friends entirely about your dogs.
  26. You will never name another pet Sam or Max (unless you adopt him/her with the name already).
  27. You’ve cleaned a dog’s ear.
  28. You’ve stuck your hand your dog’s mouth to retrieve a stolen piece of food.
  29. You’ve been to a dog party.
  30. You know a dog can smell a can of tuna being opened from the other side of the house.
  31. You know a dog will look the most adorable when he or she might get some “tuna juice” from that can.
  32. You understand the concept of perpetual motion because of your dog’s tail.
  33. There is nothing that can be eaten, chewed, swallowed or otherwise molested by a dog on your tables or counters. Same if you have a Lab except add “anything that can be swept off the surface by a tail.”
  34. You use baby gates, even though you don’t have babies/kids.
  35. Your file cabinet has more information about your dog’s health than your own.
  36. You have a picture(s) of your dog on your desk at work – in a nice frame.
  37. Your screen saver on your computer is a picture of your dog.
  38. You have approximately 1,000 pictures of your dog.
  39. You know the names of oft-used drugs for dogs, know what they are for and how to administer them.
  40. You’ve stayed up all night with a sick dog.
  41. You’ve hand-fed your dog (but will share that tidbit only with other dog lovers).
  42. You know your dog thinks that, by barking he or she is chasing away the leaves/birds/postal worker/squirrels/etc. thereby protecting you and his/her territory. (Good dog!)
  43. Dogs do so have facial expressions! And you know what your dog’s mean.
  44. Your favorite sounds include doggy snores.
  45. You keep an old towel or two in your car “just in case”. A water bowl, too.
  46. You have multiple names for your dog and some just aren’t real words.
  47. You are ready to cuddle/scratch/kiss/hug at a moment’s notice.
  48. You’ve made special trips home just to be greeted by your dog, and know you will feel better immediately.
  49. You occasionally wonder what you ever did to deserve the unconditional love of your dog – and you feel grateful.
  50. You can’t imagine living without a dog.